If your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
If someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"
If you have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
If you have to scroll through your popup menu.
If you watch T.V. with the closed captioning turned on.
If your friend tells you something sad on the phone and you say
"Awwww, me hugs Tom."
If you've called out someone else's nick while
making love to your husband.
If you keep begging your friends to get an internet account so "we can hang out."
If you are intimate with three words ... carpel -
tunnel - syndrome
If you want to meet a girl and your first impulse is to turn on your
computer.
If you once devoted a weekend to "working on your
popups."
If you sometimes go to #egypt "just to get away from it all."
If, when you join #callahans everyone types "Norm!"
If you're a heterosexual male, but one time used a feminine nick "just
to mess with the horny net geeks."
If you come home from class, look at your
roommates, and say "ib."
If you wait for your roommates to say "re."
If the words "takeover," "nick collide," and "flood"
make your heart beat faster and your hands a little shakey.
If sometimes you type commands from the unix prompt you mistakenly begin
them with a "/"
If you've ever gotten on an airplane just to meet
some folks face to face.
If you make it a point to change your ping reply and quit message
daily.
If you have over 2 megs of .wav files in your mirc
directory.
If you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's.
If your child ignores your request and you wonder if
she's lagged.
If you send internet Christmas cards. *wink*
If you've ever felt the urge to type "*wink*."
If you have ever wondered if there is a #irc-anon.
If you have an irc web page.
If you've ever went to one of those form-submit web page 'chats' just to
say "you losers don't even know what irc is, do you? Huh!? DO YOU!?!"
If you join #hispanola "just to work on your
Spanish."
If, when someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers,
everyone else types your nick.
If you join busy channels just to talk to yourself
because the scrolling makes you feel better about it somehow.
If you've ever typed "drinking on irc is better than drinking alone."
If you go into labor and you stop to type a
"special"
away message.
If you have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.
If you've been lagged so bad that you've switched
servers so much you can see your nick on the channel list three times.
If you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or
complete sentences.
If your umode is +s because you don't feel right
without it.
If you don't know your boyfriend's first name.
If your RL boyfriend gets on irc because it's the
only way to reach you.
If you know which servers are major hubs in *.tw
If you call your significant other a HNG.
If you use words like "lame" and "leet" in RL.
If you find yourself wishing that bitch on your hall
were on irc so you could flood her.
If you read operlist.
If you tell your RL friends you have plans
already on Saturday night when you don't.
If you feel the need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL.
If your irc .ini is over 80k.
If your desk is the only part of your room that you ever use (screw the
bed).
If you have ever put a smiley in a paper for work.
If the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on the door and all you can think of
doing is flooding them with pings.
If you get a call from a telemarketer and you put
the phone down and set their mode to -v.
If you call your friend Cheryl and /invite $nick to #watch_TV.
If you offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for
the night.
If you refer to rush hour traffic as lagged.
If, to avoid traffic, you tell your passenger to quit for a second and
switch servers.
If the word "I" is replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
If you raise your hand in class and say "BRB."
If you have more than three private message windows going simultaneously.
If you don't subscribe to a certain ISP because they
don't offer unlimited time.
If, instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to
serve it to you later that night.
If you no longer have to stop and explain to your
friends what "RE ALL" means.
If you begin to say hehehehehehehe instead of laughing.
If you don't sleep at night because you stay up too
late thinking of a new NICK.
If you know, and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in
ascii text.
If you cry when you see more than 3 quit messages
with two servers listed as the reason.
If, when someone says "what did you say?", you reply "scroll up!"
If you sneak to the computer in the middle of the
night to get in more irc time.
If you know more about your irc friend's daily routines than you do your
spouse's.
If, when someone complains about your phone being
busy, you say it was off the hook.
If you change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you
are.
If you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes
are from too much partying instead of the truth.
If you put on special mood music while talking to certain people in
private chats.
If your friends on irc were above your RL friends on
your Christmas card list.
If you find yourself involved in channel politics on irc.
If you ever turned down real hugs for {{{hugs}}}
from irc friends.
If you have actually kept up with ten conversations at one time.
If you postpone your graduation so you can keep your
free .edu account.
If you have ever written a pen and paper letter and found it impossible
to do without the smileys.
If you don't even bother answering the phone anymore.
If you're broke and your modem burns out and you go to the streets to
sell your body to get a new one.
If you're willing to risk a divorce because your
husband/wife doesn't like the time you spend on the computer.
If you think that 10 channels is not enough.